Chapter+2

Amelia and Jamie were both talking on the phone. Jamie said "im being surounded by evil spirits im in a g..." when all of a sudden a tree crashed throught the phone cable and all they could hear was evil spirits laughing but one wasnt laughhing, one was saying "Im your ancestor from 500yrs ago. If we want to restore Banchory we have to get all the evil spirits back into the crack." Amelia was on her pnone trying to contact someone through her phone but she couldnt get a signal. The 500yr old ancester jumped out from nowhere knocking the phone out of Amelias hand and kept shouting its evil, its glowing, Amelia looked down to see a phone with a crack on the screen she imediatly picked it up and pressed the on botton and it went on until the ancestor shouted "its glowing" and knocked it out of her hand again, they had now lost all comunication with the outside world.Amelia shouted with rage "why are you here what do you want" .the ancestor said in an old boring voice"ill explain later first we must find Jamie." Amelia rememberd about that phone call. Jamie had said he was surrounded by evil spirits and was in a g... then a tree fell on the line he didnt get to finnish his word. Amelia took a wile to think of a place that began with g then she rememberd ever since her Grandad had died Jamie had been in the graveyard alot. Amelia sprinted down to the graveyard and saw Jamie surronded by ghosts, How are they going to save him.

EDITED

Amelia and Jamie were both talking on the phone. Jamie said "I'm being surounded by evil spirits, I'm in a g..." when all of a sudden a tree crashed through the phone cable and all they could hear was evil spirits laughing. But one wasn't, one was saying "I'm your ancestor from 500 years ago. If we want to restore Banchory, we have to get all the evil spirits back into the crack." Amelia was on her pnone trying to contact someone, but she couldnt get a signal. The 500 year old ancestor jumped out from nowhere, knocking the phone out of Amelia's hand and kept shouting,"It's evil, its glowing," Amelia looked down to see a phone with a crack on the screen. She immediately picked it up and pressed the on button. It went on until the ancestor shouted "It's glowing" and knocked it out of her hand again, they had now lost all communication with the outside world. Amelia shouted with rage "Why are you here? What do you want?" the ancestor said in an old, boring voice "I'll explain later. First we must find Jamie." Amelia remembered about that phone call. Jamie had said he was surrounded by evil spirits and was in a g... then a tree fell on the line he didn't get to finish his word, Amelia took a while to think of a place that began with g ,then she remembered that ever since her Grandad had died, Jamie had been in the graveyard a lot. Amelia sprinted down to the graveyard and saw Jamie surronded by ghosts, how are they going to save him?

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
 * Your part of the story is to start everything of. You have to create the scene, describe characters and get the questions started. You have done a good job of getting the questions started but mabye you could work on setting the scene and describing characters more.
 * I don't really understand the bit about the glowing phone, so try to work a bit on that aswell.

Hope that helps when you come to editing it! Abigail

2 stars and a wish(Jake)

•good cliffhanger at the end •good way to split Jamie and Amelia

•try to explain in detail what's going on(some bits don't really make sense)

It's a good chapter, but what I would say is to put a bit more detail into the spirits coming. All you say is they were there and it's a bit out of the blue. Perhaps you could say what they looked like, or what happened, you didn't mention they came out of the crack, you just said they had to go back. But well done! (By the way I added this comment after the homework to perfect your chapter was sent out so sorry I didn't give you a chance to change it!)