chapter+16

They heard wind behind them as well as feeling it. When they turned around to see what was there, nothing was in sight. The door was closed so it couldn't have been the weather. The ancestor whispered "be cautious", all three of them knew something was inside the house. The ancestor used his magic to create a magical barrier around the house so that any spirits that where outside couldn't get in but there was a problem, whatever was inside couldn't get out of the house. The ancestor told them "stay close or you may perish" and the siblings did so. They travelled across squeaky floorboards before going up the stairs into a bedroom. suddenly Jamie heard a noise coming from one of the cupboards although the Amelia and the ancestor didn't. He was about to pull the handle then suddenly an evil spirit punched a hole through the cupboard and grabbed Jamie's arms. Amelia and the ancestor tried to help Jamie but it was too late. The evil spirit held Jamie hostage and started laughing but then turned serious and snapped "why do you persist?" The spirit started strangling Jamie but then the ancestor had taken the spirit by surprise when the spirit wasn't looking and started using the same spell that he used earlier to push the spirits away. The spirit went straight through the wall and into the magical barrier. The ancestor crushed the spirit against the barrier and the spirit blew up. The explosion shattered the barrier. Suddenly............

Constructive criticism


 * Try to use some other words than the word said. You could use other words like warned, told or screamed. You could also use more. Apart from this, I think this is a brilliant chapter. Well done!

__2 stars__ __Wish__
 * Good use of descriptive language.
 * Good use of short sentences at the start to create suspense.
 * You could use a different variety of words other than suddenly.

(Graham)