Chapter+1

=__Chapter 1__=

"You are so annoying, you know that," shouted Amelia. "Why am i so annoying?" asked Jamie. Once again brother and sister Amelia and Jamie are at it again, they are the type of people that don't get along. "I am going to my boyfriends house," Amelia told Jamie. "Just you do that then!" replied Jamie, "you are always at his house now, you don't care about me". "Of course i care about you, but you are 17 now you should be able to care for yourself", So off went Amelia, as she arrived at his house she heard a faint rumbling niose coming from the ground, I'm sure its nothing, she thought to herself, and carried on. As Amelia arrives at his house, again she hears a rumbling noise but it was louder this time, i think i will call Jamie. Jamie answers in a very angry voice "HELLO?", "It's me" Amelia replies, "what do you want?" Jamie answers. Have you by any chance heard strange rumbling noises, coming from the ground? She asks. " What i can't hear you go somewhere else" James asks her, Fine then i'll go across to the park, leaving her boyfriends house. As she reaches the park she hears Jamies voice coming from her phone, " Is that any better?" She asks, " Yes alot better" Jamie replies. "Now about this", but before he could finish his sentence the ground started to shake, so hard that Amelia droped he phone and fell to the ground. She just managed to get up, grab her phone and run before a massive crack starts to appear right down the middle of Banchory. Back at the flat, Jamie is experiencing the same thing. so scared he runs out to find someone, but discovers that Banchory is deserted everyone has vanished, all except him and Amelia, the last person he would want to be stuck with. HELLO? said Amelia, "hi it's me", Jamie said, "what in the world is going on?" he said frantically. "How should i know?" shouted Amelia, "i was just wondering are we GOING TO DIE?" screamed Jamie. "i have no clue", she replied "I'm sorry but you will just have to fight your own battles for once", she told Jamie, and hung up the phone. Jamie thinking to himself, "this is it, i'm going to die!". Then it starts to happen.......

EDITED "You are so annoying, you know that," shouted Amelia her emerald green eyes turned red with anger. "Why am I so annoying?" asked Jamie tugging at Amelia's olive green jumper, his turquoise eyes filled with confusion. Once again brother and sister, Amelia and Jamie, were at it again: they are the type of people that don't get along. "I am going to my boyfriend's house," Amelia told Jamie. "Just you do that then!" replied Jamie. "You are always at his house now, you don't care about me" Jamie cried running his fingers through his dark brown, side swept hair. "Of course I care about you, but you are 17 now, you should be able to care for yourself" Amelia said. So off went Amelia as she slammed the door behind her, her long brown hair swept in front of her face. Jamie left at home his tears running down his freckled face and into his checked shirt. As Amelia arrived at her boyfriend's house she heard a faint rumbling noise coming from the ground, "I'm sure it's nothing," she thought to herself, and carried on. As Amelia arrived at his house, again she heard a rumbling noise, but it was louder this time, "I think I will call Jamie." Jamie answered in a very angry voice. "HELLO?", "It's me" Amelia replied, "What do you want?" Jamie answered. "Have you by any chance heard strange rumbling noises, coming from the ground?" She asks. " What? I can't hear you. Go somewhere else" Jamie asks her. "Fine then, I'll go across to the park!" Leaving her boyfriend's house she reached the park. She heard Jamie's voice coming from her phone, " Is that any better?" She asked, " Yes, a lot better" Jamie replies. "Now about this...", but before he could finish his sentence, the ground started to shake, so hard that Amelia dropped her phone and fell to the ground. She just managed to get up, grab her phone and run before a massive crack started to appear right down the middle of Banchory. Back at the flat, Jamie experienced the same thing. He was so scared he ran out to find someone, but discovered that Banchory was deserted. Everyone had vanished, all except him and Amelia, the last person he would want to be stuck with. "HELLO?" said Amelia, "Hi it's me", Jamie said, "What in the world is going on?" he said frantically. "How should I know?" shouted Amelia, "I was just wondering, are we GOING TO DIE?!" screamed Jamie. "I have no clue", she replied "I'm sorry but you will just have to fight your own battles for once", she told Jamie, and hung up the phone. Jamie thought to himself, "This is it, I'm going to die!". Then it started to happen.......

 Improvements


 * This chapter is fantastic. The only thing I would say is that it begins the story too quickly. Perhaps youy could take a bit out of it and let chapter 2 add it in there.

At one point it said James instead of Jamie. I've changed it but if it was supposed to say that, just put it back! (Louise)

Star- Good sentences and well done for not using the same word every time Star- A lot written and well written punctuation Wish- Try not to make as much of the story a conversation next time

Well done! [Reece]