Chaper+5

=Chapter 5= They were running towards to voice. It sounded the same as before but this time it was louder. Much louder.It echoed through the forest like it had been coming from right beside them. “ There coming “ it shouted.And suddenly if it was possible they ran even faster until their legs became so tired they felt like they were independent from their bodies. They looked back and saw the spirits chasing them. Their eyes filled with evil and hate, yet Amelia's and Jamie's filled with the frightening thought of what would happen next. As they got closer to the voice Amelia and Jamie got slower and they were running out of breath. Suddenly Amelia tripped over a tree root. She fell head first to the ground and bumped her head off of a branch on the way down. Her leg felt like a thousand thornes had pricked it one by one until her leg was covered in thrones and brouses.“ HELP “ she shouted, “ HELP” but Jamie didn’t hear her and kept on running. The spirits were well in sight of Amelia but Jamie was well in the distance not knowing his sister needed help and fast. The evil spirits were getting closer and closer but Amelia was struggling to walk let alone run away. Her right leg was still in pain and she felt dizzy but she wasn’t going to give up and she tried as hard as she could but it was useless.

She didn’t stand a chance being up against the spirits. Or did she...

EDITED: As they were running towards the voice, they heard another sound. It sounded the same as before but this time it was louder, it echoed through the forest. "They're coming!" it shouted. If it was possible they ran even faster. They looked back and saw the spirits chasing them. As they got closer Amelia and Jamie got slower and were running out of breath. Suddenly Amelia tripped over a tree root, fell head first to the ground and bumped her head off of a branch on the way down. “ HELP! “ she shouted, “ HELP!” But Jamie didn’t hear her and kept on running. The spirits were well in sight of Amelia but Jamie was in the distance not knowing his sister needed help, and fast. The evil spirits were getting closer and closer, but Amelia was struggling to walk, let alone run away. Her right leg was injured and she felt dizzy but she wasn’t going to give up and tried as hard as she could, but it was useless.

She didn’t stand a chance up against the spirits.

Star: Really good description and dramatic tension Star: Carries on with the story plot really well Wish: Perhaps needs to be a bit longer

Finished Chapter:

= The Fall = = Chapter 5 = hey were running towards to voice. It sounded the same as before but this time it was louder. It was much louder. It echoed through the forest like it had been coming from right beside them. “There coming it shouted”. And suddenly if it was possible they ran even faster until their legs became so tired they felt like they were independent from their bodies. They looked back and saw the spirits chasing them. Their eyes filled with evil and hate, yet Amelia's and Jamie's filled with the frightening thought of what would happen next. As they got closer to the voice Amelia and Jamie got slower and they were running out of breath. Suddenly Amelia tripped over a tree root. She fell head first to the ground and bumped her head off of a branch on the way down. Her leg felt like a thousand thorns had pricked it one by one until her leg was covered in thrones and dents.“ HELP “she shouted, “HELP” but Jamie didn’t hear her and kept on running. The spirits were well in sight of Amelia but Jamie was well in the distance not knowing his sister needed help and fast. The evil spirits were getting closer and closer but Amelia was struggling to walk let alone run away. Her right leg was still in pain and she felt dizzy but she wasn’t going to give up and she tried as hard as she could, but it was useless. She didn’t stand a chance being up against the spirits. Or did she...
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