Chapter+13

Jamie and Amelia kept silent as the spirits crept in the front door. Jamie and Amelia slowly yet quietly crawled there way to behind the counter as more came in they were TRAPPED! Then Amelia thought of a plan that they should throw something in the opposite direction to where they were going. So they tried there plan and successfully distracted the spirits and crept out as quick as they can. They were free but as soon as they thought they could start moving again they had the problem of no food or water. Amelia and Jamie waited for the spirits to clear for the morning then ran into the shop and filled there pockets with as much supplies as possible. But then as they were leaving the shop they were spotted, Jamie cried “RUN”. They ran for ages, they were getting tired so they went down an alley way and watched the spirits go past. Jamie and Amelia were completely off track and were still trying to figure out on where they were. They walked out of the alley and it was clear. Amelia and Jamie then walked for about a mile when they saw sign saying Hill of Banchory, Jamie knew were he was. They saw Tesco’s with disserted cars outside and buses were burnt to a crisp. They then knew it was going to be hard to find a way past the spirits and to the High street were the crack was. Amelia and Jamie started there journey to the crack when……………………

Jamie and Amelia kept silent as the spirits crept in the front door. Jamie and Amelia slowly yet quietly crawled there way to behind the counter as more came in they were TRAPPED! Then Amelia thought of a plan that they should throw something in the opposite direction to where they were going. So they tried there plan and successfully distracted the spirits and crept out as quick as they can. They were free but as soon as they thought they could start moving again they had the problem of no food or water. Amelia and Jamie waited for the spirits to clear for the morning then ran into the shop and filled there pockets with as much supplies as possible. But then as they were leaving the shop, they were spotted, Jamie cried “RUN”. They ran for ages, they were getting tired so they went down an alley way and watched the spirits go past. Jamie and Amelia were completely off track and were still trying to figure out on where they were. They walked out of the alley and it was clear. Amelia and Jamie then walked for about a mile when they saw sign saying Hill of Banchory, Jamie knew were he was. They saw Tesco’s with desserted cars outside and buses were burnt to a crisp. They then knew it was going to be hard to find a way past the spirits and to the High street where the crack was. Amelia and Jamie started there journey to the crack when……………………
 * EDITED**

IMPROVMENTS:

This is a very good chapter, please don't be offended!!

-This is the area where things get a little bit repetitive, try to leave your chapter on an interesting part or 'cliff-hanger' so that the next person can start the chapter with new ideas and something different.

I hope this will help Louise

IMPROVMENTS: its really discriptive and my only improvment is more commas in the first paragraph